Being Chuck

It’s a funny thing, forgiveness. Most of us (most of the time) don’t really have a real grasp of what it is.

We all want to be forgiven when we do wrong. “Forgive and forget… Jesus forgave everyone…” And He did. He forgave me for all the things I have done and will do. He forgave you too, for all of it. He forgave us for lying to our parents, taking drugs, murdering, gossiping, stealing a candy bar or a pencil, embezzeling funds, and everything else under the sun that we do when we think no one is looking.

But forgiveness isn’t quite that easy for me. Or for you. We forgive some people much more easily than others. We forgive some sins much more easily than others. Why?

I think I know.

It’s not because some sins are “worse” than others (although there are levels to sin, but that’s another discussion entirely). It’s a result of our perspective.

Example One:

The things I struggle with are easier for me to forgive in other people. If I struggle with lying, I obviously don’t value honesty as much as someone who doesn’t. Which means I’m more likely to forgive someone who lies to me.

But I don’t struggle with lying. I place an exceptionally high value on honesty. Lie to me and you will be pushed away. It’s difficult for me to forgive someone who lies to me. But forget to do something… I do that all the time. That’s easy for me to forgive.

Example Two:

Everyone looks at the world through their own eyes, and that’s the only way they can ever really see it. We (can) make an effort to see someone else’s perspective, but it’s still tainted by ours. So when someone wrongs me, from my perspective it was an obvious and intentional offense. Why would anyone ever act like that or do something like that? But perhaps from their perspective it’s a personality quirk or something they don’t even pay attention to.

If I walk by you on a Sunday morning and don’t stop and say, “Hi,” if I don’t stop and ask you how you’re doing when you’ve had the crappiest week of your life), are you offended? You might think I don’t really care about you. Or maybe I’m mad at you.

Most likely though, I’m on a mission or I’m in my oblivious place thinking about something else entirely. I work here. Sundays are busy. It’s not intentional, but I’m working on it. It is a part of my personality (and gender) to be involved in the task at hand. Not an excuse, just a reality. And I need to continue to work to correct that.

In my eyes, I didn’t see you, or maybe I did but I feel like our relationship is strong enough that I can walk by and catch you later (without worrying that I’m going to have to have a “Come to Jesus” meeting because you don’t know me as well as you think).

But I need to get off of that soapbox…

I say all the above to say the following. It’s time to stop holding on to what someone else has done to you. Whether it was intentional or not (most likely not, there aren’t that many truly devious people around you, seriously…) it’s time for you to let it go. Forgive.

Our church (the one I work at) is suffering through some of this right now. People have been hurt. But it’s time for us to forgive, time to begin the process of healing and moving on.

And this is where the water gets a little [read: a lot] muddy. The problem is that too many people think the following:

Forgiveness = Relief from Consequences

[Buzzer Sound] WRONG!

Forgiveness means releasing the wrong they did. It means accepting the apology they have offered and beginning to move on with your life.

But what if they didn’t apologize? What if they never do?

Pretend they did. God never once says in the Bible that you have permission to hold on to a wrong until someone asks for forgiveness. He simply tell us to forgive.

But forgiveness doesn’t mean pretending everything is okay either. It most certainly is not okay. Restoration of trust and relationship takes time. If you lie to me, I’ll forgive you (eventually, sorry…). But that doesn’t mean I automatically trust you now. You’d better believe I’ll check up on everything you tell me until you have rebuilt that trust.

Jesus didn’t hang on the cross with the condition that we wouldn’t sin anymore. He just hung there and died. You are forgiven. I am forgiven. That does not mean we don’t have to suffer for our stupidity and sin (consequences still abound here on earth), it just means that we are forgiven, and we have an opportunity for relationship with Him in spite of ourselves.

You and I are human. And this is a bit tough for us to swallow. But the people I know that I would label as “forgiving people” are always the ones that seem the happiest to me. Holding on to a wrong [see: not forgiving] only hurts you.

From Matthew 18:21-35:

21Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, “Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother when he sins against me? Up to seven times?”

22Jesus answered, “I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times.^[f]

23“Therefore, the kingdom of heaven is like a king who wanted to settle accounts with his servants. 24As he began the settlement, a man who owed him ten thousand talents^[g] was brought to him. 25Since he was not able to pay, the master ordered that he and his wife and his children and all that he had be sold to repay the debt.

26“The servant fell on his knees before him. ‘Be patient with me,’ he begged, ‘and I will pay back everything.’ 27The servant’s master took pity on him, canceled the debt and let him go.

28“But when that servant went out, he found one of his fellow servants who owed him a hundred denarii.^[h] He grabbed him and began to choke him. ‘Pay back what you owe me!’ he demanded.

29“His fellow servant fell to his knees and begged him, ‘Be patient with me, and I will pay you back.’

30“But he refused. Instead, he went off and had the man thrown into prison until he could pay the debt. 31When the other servants saw what had happened, they were greatly distressed and went and told their master everything that had happened.

32“Then the master called the servant in. ‘You wicked servant,’ he said, ‘I canceled all that debt of yours because you begged me to. 33Shouldn’t you have had mercy on your fellow servant just as I had on you?’ 34In anger his master turned him over to the jailers to be tortured, until he should pay back all he owed.

35″This is how my heavenly Father will treat each of you unless you forgive your brother from your heart.”

Seems pretty simple to me. (Please note the difference between the word simple and the word easy.)