Being Chuck

I have this tendency to oversimplify things. Usually it stems from a need to grasp the big picture of what’s going on, a need to eliminate what I deem to be peripheral details, and a need to create something humorous (although it usually ends up being lame) out of something that normally wouldn’t be.

My current equation looks something like this:

Church + No Giving = Chuck looking for work

There are a lot of variables (why people aren’t giving, current turmoil, etc.) that should be involved in that equation, but I’m not really sure where they fit, and they could be considered peripheral. Add in my tendency to oversimplify, you get the equation above.

This past Sunday (October 12) the announcement was made, in both services, that as of January 1, First Christian would no longer employ a “Communications Pastor” (along with another couple of positions).

I’ve seen this coming for a few months (both through my own amazing foresight [please note the sarcasm] and a minimal grasp of the situation here at church, both financial and otherwise), so I was kind of prepared when I was told two weeks ago. But it still stings a little [read: "owy"].

I don’t know what to do with it all. One minute I’m frustrated, even angry at the situation we’ve put ourselves in as a church, and the next, I’m sad and disappointed. Then I’m excited about the “new adventure” God has in store for Tara, Riley, Lincoln, and me. And then I go through the whole enjoyable [read: ridiculous] cycle again.

Have I ever mentioned on here that I despise the fickleness of emotion? Ugh! But I digress…

Back to this past Sunday (as well as a few interactions prior): I’m not a super touchy-feely kind of person (I’m sure that comes as a terrible shock to most who know me), so the day was a little unnerving for me. Most people dole out comfort with hugs and kisses and awkward words of encouragement, and I was showered with them. And while I appreciate the sentiment (I truly do, and have shed tears several times since at the generous outpouring of love), one repeated comment keeps coming back to me:

“It seems like you’re really handling this well.”

I’m not sure how to respond to that. Thanks? I mean, it’s not really me handling it. God has always (and I do mean ALWAYS) taken exceptional care of me and the people around me.

He has yet to let me down, or even come close to doing so.

Don’t get me wrong, there have been plenty of times when God didn’t meet my expectations, but that’s because they were MY expectations. He has always had something much greater in mind for me than anything I could imagine.

He has never let me down. And so I’m not sure how to respond to the above comment.

Isn’t that what I’m supposed to do? If when I become a Christian I say, “I accept Jesus Christ as my Lord and my Savior,” and I place my trust and burdens in Him, then doesn’t it make sense that all this will work itself out? [Romans 8:28]

Emotions are always difficult to control (if we’re supposed to control them at all, I haven’t decided yet), but one thing has never changed for me.

I know it’s scary, and I’d be lying if I said I’ve not worried about what’s next (I am human), but ultimately all I have to do is look at God and say, “I’m don’t have any clue what the crap You’re going to do… but I know You love me.”

I don’t mean to sound frustrated or detached, but the peace that Tara and I are experiencing right now doesn’t come from a personal strength. If it relied on us we’d be blubbering like babies and running all over town like headless chickens. Personal strength has nothing to do with it.

As a pastor/minister/guy who works/volunteers at church for the last 10 years, part of my responsibility is to help people learn to trust God. If I can’t do that [trust God], I’m not much of a teacher (and I’d like to think that I do okay in that arena), so I have to take my own advice and lean on the only arm that has never let me down.

One friend (when I told him last week) said, “You sound like a guy who has cancer and has been told he’s about to die. You’ve just accepted the reality and are moving forward with life.”

I think it was a compliment. I took it that way.

Although, I’m pretty sure my situation isn’t anywhere near comparable.

But those are always the people I admire. The people who look into the face of a dire situation and smile because they know that from this point on (if not before said point as well) that God is in control.

He is.

As always, I covet your prayers (apparently we’re allowed to covet when it’s prayers) for Tara, Riley, and Lincoln, as well as for God’s continued leading. We’re trying to be open to everything, and I may already have an opportunity locally as an IT guy. We shall soon see.

hey man…good thoughts…i definitely appreciate honesty when blogging. from what i gather, it’s probably a fantastic thing God’s pruned you at this moment to place you somewhere else. growing hurts….just look at archangel in the x-men comics (i’m a huge nerd i know) growing wings wasn’t fun, but holy cow-when he got adamantium wings-MONEY!!!!!!!! i got and have had my ears and fingers/eyes open for open positions in my circle of pastors to reference and i will continue to B.O.T.A.!

Comment by josiahpotter October 21, 2008 @ 17:11

ha ha. i’m a nerd too. thanx man!

Comment by cstroup October 21, 2008 @ 21:31