Being Chuck

We all think we’re good at a lot of different things.

I haven’t met too many people in life who honestly believe they aren’t a “good” driver. I’ve heard people say, “I’m a bad driver,” but none of them really mean it. We all think we’re good drivers. We can all justify speeding. And we can all justify cutting that other driver off when we need to (probably a result of the speeding).

And just like we all think we’re good drivers, I haven’t met too many people who don’t think they have a good handle on perspective (I’m definitely not immune here). Most people I know believe that they have a pretty good understanding of why people do what they do and act the way they act. And are willing to judge motives and behavior based on that fact.

And as I just said, I will be the first one to tell you, I think I have a more than satisfactory grasp on understanding people’s perspectives. [I don't, but I certainly think I do.]

And what’s really “funny” [not ha ha funny, but peculiar and perplexing funny] about all this is the selfishness with which I employ said ability or understanding.

Most of the time, my ability to bring and understand perspective works to “benefit” someone else. I am usually “helping” someone else see the error in their judgment of a particular person.

“You think she did that to be spiteful, but really if you look at it from her perspective, she was only …”

And this applies to all facets of life: road rage, drama at work or church, people’s kids, my family, your family, etc. I’m consistently more than willing to step in and offer a little “healthy” perspective to the person who feels justified in their judgment of the situation, thereby showing them how little understanding they really possess (and thus in some subconscious insecure way, boosting my own feelings about me and my “knowledge”).

But when it comes to me and my relationships, suddenly I no longer possess the uncanny ability to bring perspective. I am completely blinded by my selfishness (and perceived correctness) to the point where I am right and you are wrong. It’s still a matter of perspective, but my perspective just happens to be the right one (which obviously puts yours in the wrong).

I expect you to stand in my shoes, but I’m only going to pretend to stand in your shoes.

Or maybe I’ll stand in your shoes long enough to show you that I’m right.

It’s always quite impressive to me [not in a good way] when I am able to stand back long enough to actually notice the selfishness that really exists in my life. And I’m even more amazed at this point that I haven’t noticed until now.

Some of the displays of selfishness are so blatant and ridiculous that I can’t possibly fathom how I missed them. I suppose I just didn’t posses the perspective necessary.

I can justify my behavior, but I refuse to justify yours because you’re just being ridiculous. You’re not being reasonable.

So I suppose I need to apologize to all the people in my life (wife, kids, parents, brother, sisters, friends) who I have written off all at different times due to their “lack of perspective.” Forgive my arrogance and selfish justification of judgment.

But then again, if they possessed the proper perspective, they would understand that I was just…