Being Chuck

I sat this morning in church with my jaw clenched as tightly as my teeth would permit in a desperate (yet completely futile) attempt to stop the little creeks of tears from flowing from the outsides of my eyes.

I don’t know why that part of my eyes always leaks first, but it does.

I don’t think crying makes a man weak. In fact, I would argue quite the opposite, but I really don’t like to cry. So there I sat, jaw clenched, eyes welling, trying to focus on something other than the fact that my Friend is leaving.

I did the same tonight when they left our house.

And the worst part (not really worst, but you’ll get the idea in a second) is that while I am extremely saddened by their leaving, I am also really, really excited that they’re getting to do what they feel like they were made to do. Being human really is quite confusing at times.

I hate goodbye.

This was J and Kelly’s last Sunday at church. They leave for Tampa tomorrow. From Tampa they’ll fly to Chicago, and from Chicago on to Istanbul, Turkey.

I hate Turkey. (Not the delicious bird mind you… the country.)

………

I have never really had a lot of Friends in life. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve always had lots of people that I could call friends, but I keep very few Friends.

The people you trust with everything. The people you know you could call and borrow money from if they have it. The people you would call if your car broke down in the middle of no where. The people you trust with things you’re not even sure you can tell your spouse.

That’s what I mean when I say Friends.

J was/is that to me. But the “is” is changing. He’s moving to Turkey (just in case you missed that from above).

And that is part of the reason I don’t keep many Friends. Life changes and people move on. It’s just a fact of life. And you use that word… goodbye.

We try to use euphemisms in its place:

“Be safe!”

“Be good!”

Take care!”

“Later!”

“See ya soon!”

But the harsh reality is that all these words mean goodbye. Whether it’s for now, or for longer, they all mean the same thing.

And that sucks.

But instead of spending time seeing how whiny I can be, let’s try something different…

If you don’t have someone in your life (same sex, same general life position) that you can lean on, you’re an idiot.

That kind of person is the one you can bounce crazy ideas off of, and they’ll tell you straight to your face whether it’s crazy or crazy enough to work. That kind of person is one who will tell you when you’re treating other people poorly, or when you need to figure some things out before you wreck your life.

I can’t tell you how many times J and I had “come to Jesus” meetings. He was never afraid to put me in my place when it was needed. And never once did I doubt his intentions when he came to me with a problem. He and Brian Truschinger (usually together) used to sit me down and let me know when I was being an idiot. They always did it in a way that was loving and recognized their own faults, and that was always (eventually) received well.

I used to joke with J and Brian that if I ever started a church (or got hired to run one) that I would be calling them to come sit in my office to keep me in check. That would be their entire job… sit in my office and just make sure I’m not an idiot all the time. That’s what they’re going to do.

They don’t really have any choice in the matter… I’m bigger than both of them together.

I guess what I’m trying to say is that J has had an enormous amount of influence in my life. And almost all of it (if not all) has been for the better (much, much better). Thank you, J.

And if you don’t have one of those, you are an idiot. Go get a J.